Personal Reflections
butterfly
Jessica Fischer
As human beings we are so often confronted by our own sense of perception. We see warped body images in mirrors. We blame scales for misread weight. We tear ourselves out of pictures if they are unflattering. We often say things we don't mean and don't say things that are true. Watching this film for the first time was like holding the mirror of reality up for a long hard look. It wasn't easy. The film was at times unflattering- and even harsh- but always honest.

It's important to me that people see what happens when someone's physical appearance changes so drastically that suddenly 26 years of their life seems null and void, and they must begin again. I have endured a rebirth of sorts and I think the film demonstrates that well. I continue to struggle with all the changes I have been through and still go through; I probably will for years to come. Knowing documentation exists that may help someone else in their own struggle for identity is a reassurance that we have done the right thing in creating this film. All of that being said, I sure wish they hadn't used the "bad hair day" shots :-).

  
butterfly
Sandra Longo
The making of this film was both a personal journey and a privilege. For several years I coached others to pursue some of their wildest dreams and yet never really considered the possibility of this for myself. With no background in filmmaking, my only related skill appeared to be my ability to shine in the entertainment category of Trivial Pursuit. I loved watching movies, but never thought I could make one; that is until I attended a few film festivals and listened first hand to the journeys of the various filmmakers. The roads to completing their films were as varied as the stories they told and I began to think that if they could do it, so could I. Although nervous, I decided to follow my own advice to clients and "feel the fear, but do it anyway!"

To begin this odyssey I knew I needed help, but where does a suburban New Jersey mom with no connections to the film industry get started? My approach was to explain my dream to everyone I knew in the hopes of finding just one person I could talk to and ask for some advice. In the vein of "be careful what you wish for," within weeks I was introduced to John Cappuccino, who would eventually edit my film and based on his recommendation, I found Vág. At the time I hired her to "handle the technical stuff," my intention was for my first film to be my "learning film;" essentially putting myself through film school via on the job training. I wasn't particularly concerned with making a social comment of any sorts- I just wanted to have fun and learn. So, I turned to my nanny and her friends and asked them to be the subjects of my film. Though probably a bit skeptical, they all agreed to participate and, yes, Jessie's day job was working four days a week as my nanny while she pursued fame and fortune in the Big Apple :-).

What can I say except that completing this film has been an adventure that I never dreamed possible. With numerous twists and turns along the way, it ranged from simply challenging to nerve-wracking to exhilarating- often all in the same day! The defining moment for me though came when I first sat in front of the editing system and realized that I actually had a story that might be more than just a lark- one that might actually interest more people than my friends and family. I know it sounds trite, but I now know where both my passion and my future lie... I can't imagine not doing this again- and again- and again. Thanks to everyone who played a role in this journey to date- I hope to keep learning and to be an inspiration to anyone who wants to pursue their dreams, no matter their age, educational background or lack of a hip, filmmaker wardrobe :-).

  
butterfly
Anna-Mária Vág
As a DP, my usual focus is on very technical aspects of a film. That being said, this project pulled me in on a more emotional level than many of the others I've worked on because Jess' story is so personal and compelling. One of the most amazing things to me was having Jess make realizations for the first time "on camera". I've shot a lot of things and it's rare for someone to do this on film with the candor that she did. You make a lot of films, but very few will make you cry behind the camera. The most remarkable moment for me was the finale interview; it was profound and really made me feel at peace for Jessie.

Another interesting aspect of the film for me was working in the new role of associate producer and really helping to shape the structure and development of the story. Working with Sandy was a truly pleasurable, highly collaborative process that I look forward to repeating- especially if we get to be chauffeured around New York City for b-roll shots again :-).

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